We’re always joking about how different our nights look now than when we all were starting out in New York City.
Even though we’re all in different stages in our lives, (Arielle is married with two kids, Tara is a newlywed, Dana is engaged, Nikki has a boyfriend and Anna is single) we notice some of the same patterns when it comes to making friends and what happens after the first few years in the city.
1. New to NYC
When we were just starting out in the city, we all remember meeting friends for dinner or having a few people over for wine, Seamless and The Bachelor pretty much every night after work with a big group of girls. And weekends were all about finding big groups of girls to go out with, usually to the same exact places, guaranteeing us to see a lot of familiar faces Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Everyone is everyone else’s support system and it’s really the best time and definitely the most fun. There’s so much to explore and so many people to meet!
2. A Few Years In
Slowly, the bigger group evolves and we start seeing our friends only on the weekends or for big birthday dinners. People get more invested in their careers and relationships and it’s never really a personal thing when the group gets smaller and smaller. It’s actually kind of nice! We are closer with the people we see week to week and life feels like it’s calming down after years of craziness and hangovers. A lot of people find relationships and start moving in with their significant others, which can cause some short-term roommate drama, but always works out for the best. There is also a lot of friend-group-mixing around this time because girls who are dating now have their significant other’s group of friends to hang out with, too. And if you’re the single friend, you basically get the best of both worlds and can go out with your friends and meet new people, too.
3. Entering a Serious Relationship
When we found ourselves in a serious relationship, our focus changed again and weekends became more for date nights and couple things. And it’s so much easier to be lazy when we have someone to be lazy with! People are definitely going out less overall, so it doesn’t really feel like you’re missing anything, anyway.
4. Taking the Next Step
Slowly but surely, we’ve noticed that life starts to revolve around our couple friends and next thing you know, everyone’s getting engaged! Engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties and weddings become a huge part of the social life and feel like mini-reunions every single time. It’s so fun to get dressed up and catch up with people you haven’t seen in a while, even if they are some of your closest friends, because whoops, that happens a lot! Plus, it’s always fun to reconnect with people you have lost touch with but are now suddenly going to see at 4 separate events all celebrating a mutual friend. It can feel like we have a different wedding-related event every weekend and summers turn into wedding travel overload.
5. Having Kids
Having kids is another game-changer for friendships, because now we become the friend with the kid. It opens us up to meeting all new mommy friends, but our time for friendships is even more limited when we’re focused on family life and baby stuff. Between work, kids, scheduling and life in general, seeing friends is like a twice-monthly thing, if that! By now, everyone is doing their own thing so the friends we are willing to prioritize are really great and it’s all totally worth it.
These stages we’ve noticed are obviously not set in stone. They morph differently for everyone and at a different pace. And let’s be real, we all miss sitting around with our friends having nothing to do but that! The busier we get, the less time we have for friends, but we can all agree that our real friends are here no matter what. Can you relate to this?! Let us know!
Illustration by: Sydney Mastrandrea