You hear time and time again about a friend, family member or even a parent who grew up in the wrong relationship and you probably think to yourself, “that will never be me.”
I was the same way. If you could have told me that I would spend years in the wrong relationship before it happened, I would have told you that it would be impossible.
Knowing myself as someone who has a strong personality, is very opinionated and very stubborn, I would have never thought that my future would have been so unsure just a few short years ago in terms of a relationship. I had dated the same guy for a really long time, but what no one tells you, is that time does not equal compatibility. Upon becoming very comfortable in a relationship, bad habits can become a constant, which is exactly what happened to me.
I found that the fights that we were having became a cycle and in turn, my normal. But it was not normal and not okay. Normal should be HAPPY. Normal should be feeling loved at all times, even at your lowest point. Normal is finding someone who accepts all of you – the good, the bad, the ugly. When I was in the wrong relationship, I didn’t know that normal could even be a thing. I felt ashamed, unsure, uncomfortable and broken 90% of the time. And that’s when I decided I was in the wrong relationship and knew it was time for a change. Below are my biggest takeaways that I wish I knew from the beginning:
- If you feel that you are constantly apologizing for who you are, it’s not the right relationship for you.
- Because we were long distance, I found myself fighting with him even more on the nights I was supposed to be with friends. I learned later on that this was probably a mechanism to get me to “spend time” with him instead of enjoying my college nights. If you’re ever in a situation where you’re constantly picking fights, it’s not the right relationship for you.
- If your sad times outweigh the happy times, it’s not the right relationship for you.
- If you find yourself making excuses for your significant other’s actions, it’s not the right relationship for you.
- If you find yourself constantly making time for them when you are meant to be making time for someone else, it’s not the right relationship for you.
- If you find yourself contemplating breaking up more than thinking of ways to fix the problem itself, it’s not the right relationship for you.
Breaking up wasn’t easy, but it was definitely the right choice for me and I’d urge anyone in a similar situation to get the courage to end it. And now I’m in a relationship that I am proud of and that makes me happy more often than not!
Illustration by: Sydney Mastrandrea